Have you ever noticed how many times a day a veterinary professional says or writes, “Sorry”. When bringing this point to the forefront, many veterinary team members are surprised by the overuse of the word. Perhaps they are feeling legitimate regret or sadness with authentic sentiment, or maybe it’s a default to portray submission in the face of a confrontation. Whatever the reason, let’s unpack it a bit further so when we use the word “sorry” before, during, or after a pet patient’s euthanasia, we know why it’s said.

General definitions for sorry with relevant examples:

• Feeling regret or penitence
  • “Sorry, I’m unable to set an appointment for you today.”
• Used as an expression of an apology
  • “Sorry, we’ve been busy and are running behind.”
• Feeling distressed, especially through sympathy for someone’s misfortune
  • “I’m sorry for your loss.”

As you can see, there are many times “sorry” can be applied to express sympathy; however, is it truly the best word or expression for the circumstance? Can veterinary professionals intentionally alter a few words to create a gentler, more meaningful comment, driving connection rather than sympathy or expressing sorrow?  Most veterinary team members (regardless of their title or position) appreciate guidance in navigating gentler conversations with pet parents while setting appointments, in the consultation room upon diagnosis, during a euthanasia service, and offering aftercare recommendations.

While listening to Dr. Kathleen Cooney’s “Meaningful Client Communications” course, I felt embraced by her gentle, authentic, and sincere phrases. I melted into her calm and beautiful sentiments, even during an online course. She has that way about her. Her inviting, peaceful voice instantly grounded me and set me in a space of grace. Rarely will you hear “sorry” from her lips as she offers suggestions for creating a peaceful euthanasia experience. 

Instead of using “sorry” in the previous examples listed above, consider a different verbal approach to place gratitude/love front and center:
“Thank you for understanding we are heavily scheduled already. May we consider tomorrow or recommend an in-home euthanasia service?”
“Thank you for being patient as we tended to an urgent case. Now, we can be fully present for you and your family.” 
“We love (pet name) so much. Let’s find a way to support them in the best way possible.”

Empathetic statements may include, although not limited to:
“It’s heartbreaking to lose someone we love.”
“We never want to say goodbye.”
”My heart is with you.”
“What an amazing friend she’s been.”

Writing Sympathy Cards
While in a team meeting or during casual conversations, create a few unique statements to write on sympathy cards. While “sorry for your loss” is true, there are better phrases that can express empathy and compassion on a card. Think of it like writing an empathy card rather than sympathy. Research the topic of pet loss sympathy statements and condolence messages, and you’ll find numerous resources. Petal Talk had these to offer:

• “[Pet’s name] was always there for you and loved you no matter what. Now that perfect love lives on in your heart. We will miss [pet’s name], too.”
• “May [pet’s name]’s love bring you peace, and may the memories you shared comfort your broken heart. I’m thinking of you at this sad time.”
• “Heaven is filled with love, so your [pet’s name] should feel right at home there. You gave him/her such a wonderful home on Earth.”
• “No one ever really dies who is remembered with love. May the love you share with [pet’s name] be your comfort now, and may you be soothed by the knowledge that love’s eternal beauty will shine forever in your heart.”
• “My heart hurts for you. Sending you a comforting hug.”
• “Sending you love while your best friend crosses the rainbow bridge.”

The Future Use of Supporting Phrases
You will want to create a list of sayings that can be used in condolence messages. Ask team members to add phrases they see on Facebook or Instagram and other special sentiments they come across. If a good supportive one is identified, it can be shared amongst the staff. And if you are wondering if repeating kind phrases is acceptable, it is. The great quote from Maya Angelou states, “People won’t remember what you said or what you did, but they will remember how you made them feel”. The soul of any good empathy or sorry statement is to help people feel heard and understood.

If you truly have to say “sorry” for something that you or someone on your team did to cause hardship for a patient or client, then you offer a sincere apology. Apologies are a form of compassion that are warranted in many instances. Clients love to hear “sorry” when they believe they have been wronged, but the use of the word is very different from “sorry for your loss”.

If you found this helpful, consider joining CAETA for future euthanasia and end-of-life communication workshops. The four-hour class covers topics such as empathy, compassion, self-regulation, and creating comfortable, peaceful experiences for the pet, client, and team. 

Resources
1800 Flowers, Nicole DiGiose, Petal Talk, September 25, 2021, https://www.1800flowers.com/articles/everyday-moments/coping-with-loss/what-to-write-in-a-pet-sympathy-card

https://caetainternational.com/useful-phrases-to-lend-support/